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Cat jokes & puns

Cat jokes.
Your cat remains unimpressed.

Cat jokes and puns about cardboard boxes, stolen seats and life as the household's unpaid cat servant. Share them with someone whose cat is in charge.

50cat jokes·0apologies

  1. Why was the cat sitting on the computer?

    #1

    It was waiting for the mouse to move.

  2. What's a cat's favourite colour?

    #2

    Purr-ple.

  3. What do you call a cat that bowls?

    #3

    An alley cat.

  4. Why did the cat join the Red Cross?

    #4

    It wanted to be a first-aid kit.

  5. What do you call a cat that loves reading?

    #5

    A litter-ary critic.

  6. Why did the cat sit on the photocopier?

    #6

    It wanted to be a copycat.

  7. What do cats have for breakfast?

    #7

    Mice Krispies.

  8. Why don't cats play board games?

    #8

    They knock all the pieces off and declare themselves the winner.

  9. Why did the cat sit on the dictionary?

    #9

    It wanted to have the last word.

  10. I tried teaching my cat to sit.

    #10

    She waited until I gave up, then sat down.

  11. What do you call a cat that wins every competition?

    #11

    A cheetah.

  12. Why did the cat cross the road?

    #12

    You called it from this side.

  13. What do you call a cat who paints pictures?

    #13

    Paw-casso.

  14. My cat learnt to high-five.

    #14

    Now she slaps me and expects payment.

  15. My cat knocked my glass off the table while looking straight at me.

    #15

    Nice to know we can still make eye contact.

  16. I bought a book about understanding cats.

    #16

    She sat on it. Apparently I'm not cleared for that information.

  17. My cat wanted me to open the door.

    #17

    Not to go through it. Just to improve her options.

  18. I spent an hour putting together a cat tree.

    #18

    She spent an hour in the box. We both built something we liked.

  19. I asked my cat to stop sitting on my laptop.

    #19

    She's submitted her response: hhhhhhhhhhhhh.

  20. My cat brought me a dead mouse.

    #20

    I've asked her to stick to gift vouchers.

  21. I thought my cat was pleased to see me.

    #21

    Then I realised I was standing in a sunbeam.

  22. My cat rolled over so I could rub her tummy.

    #22

    Apparently that was a trap, and I was the only one who didn't know.

  23. I bought my cat a scratching post.

    #23

    She's using it as a lookout while she plans her next attack on the curtains.

  24. My cat has nine lives.

    #24

    And somehow spends all of them asleep.

  25. I tried to take a nice photo of my cat.

    #25

    I've now got thirty pictures of the back of her head and one of my thumb bleeding.

  26. My cat fell off the windowsill.

    #26

    Then glared at me like I'd installed it wrong.

  27. I installed a cat flap so I wouldn't have to keep opening the door.

    #27

    Now she knocks on the window instead.

  28. I caught my cat drinking from my glass.

    #28

    She looked annoyed that I'd put it so far from her chair.

  29. My cat watches me clean her litter tray.

    #29

    I've never had a manager supervise me so closely.

  30. I thought I heard a burglar downstairs.

    #30

    Just the cat moving a chair at three in the morning. As you do.

  31. I bought black trousers to hide the cat hair.

    #31

    The cat appears to have switched to white fur out of spite.

  32. My cat has a very expensive water fountain.

    #32

    She says it's nice background music while she drinks from the tap.

  33. I told my cat I needed some personal space.

    #33

    She agreed. Apparently I can use the hallway.

  34. The vet asked whether my cat was friendly.

    #34

    I said, 'How much time have you got to win her over?'

  35. I put a 'Beware of the Cat' sign on the gate.

    #35

    Not because she bites. She'll judge your shoes.

  36. My cat stared at an empty corner for twenty minutes.

    #36

    We both live in the lounge now. I'm not taking chances.

  37. I gave my cat a name inspired by royalty.

    #37

    She seems disappointed I don't bow when I say it.

  38. I tried to get my cat into her carrier.

    #38

    She's now the width of the hallway.

  39. My cat ignores visitors who love cats.

    #39

    Then sits on the one person wearing an expensive suit.

  40. I thought I owned a cat.

    #40

    Turns out I'm the live-in caretaker.

  41. What's a librarian's favourite kind of cat?

    #41

    A catalogue.

  42. My wife told me to put the cat out.

    #42

    I didn't know it was on fire.

  43. What do you call a grumpy cat?

    #43

    A sour-puss.

  44. What do you call a pile of cats?

    #44

    A meow-tain.

  45. What do you call a cat caught by the police?

    #45

    A purrpetrator.

  46. What do you call a group of disorganised cats?

    #46

    A cat-astrophe.

  47. What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmas?

    #47

    Sandy Claws.

  48. What did the vet say to the cat?

    #48

    How are you feline?

  49. What do you call a fibbing cat?

    #49

    A lion.

  50. Dogs can't operate MRI machines.

    #50

    But cats can.

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