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FISH JOKES & PUNS

Fish jokes.
Not our deepest work.

Dive into 55 fish jokes and puns, from goldfish and sharks to schools of groan-worthy one-liners. Clean fish humour for kids, grown-ups and dads.

55fish jokes·0apologies

  1. Why are fish so easy to weigh?

    #1

    They come with their own scales.

  2. Where do fish keep their money?

    #2

    In the river bank.

  3. Why wouldn't the prawn share its toys?

    #3

    It was shellfish.

  4. Why did the fish blush?

    #4

    It saw the ocean's bottom.

  5. What do fish say when something goes wrong?

    #5

    Oh, carp!

  6. What's a fish's favourite instrument?

    #6

    The bass guitar.

  7. Why did the fish get bad marks?

    #7

    It was swimming below C level.

  8. Why did the fish bring a suitcase?

    #8

    It was moving to a different school.

  9. Why did the shark spit out the clownfish?

    #9

    It tasted funny.

  10. I told my fish he was a great catch.

    #10

    He hasn't trusted me since.

  11. Why won't fish play tennis?

    #11

    They're scared of getting caught in the net.

  12. What do you call a fish in space?

    #12

    A starfish.

  13. Why did the fish cross the ocean?

    #13

    To get to the other tide.

  14. What's a fish's favourite game?

    #14

    Salmon Says.

  15. How do fish get to hospital?

    #15

    In a clam-bulance.

  16. What do fish use to fix their houses?

    #16

    Hammerhead sharks.

  17. Why did the fish take a ladder to school?

    #17

    It wanted to get into a higher stream.

  18. What do you call a fish that does everything you ask?

    #18

    Very unusual. Mine won't even sit.

  19. What do you get when you cross a fish with an elephant?

    #19

    Swimming trunks.

  20. My fish has a personal chef, a cleaner and a heated home.

    #20

    I have a fish.

  21. I asked my fish if he liked his new tank.

    #21

    He gave it a once-over. Then another. Then another.

  22. My son asked if we could take the goldfish for a walk.

    #22

    I said, “Fine, but you're carrying the tank.”

  23. I bought a book on keeping fish.

    #23

    Every page was dry. Not a promising start.

  24. What do you call a shark that lends you money?

    #24

    A terrible idea.

  25. My fish got an email promising free worms.

    #25

    I told him not to take the bait.

  26. Why did the fish get sent out of class?

    #26

    It kept blowing bubbles during the lesson.

  27. I asked the aquarium if I could feed the sharks.

    #27

    They said yes. Then asked how fast I could swim.

  28. What do you call a fish that wears a crown and bosses everyone around?

    #28

    The codfather.

  29. I asked the pet shop for a fish that needed no feeding or cleaning.

    #29

    They sold me a fridge magnet.

  30. I asked my fish to keep a secret.

    #30

    Five minutes later, the whole school knew.

  31. Two fish are sitting in a tank.

    #31

    Neither of them knows how to drive it.

  32. What's yellow and extremely dangerous?

    #32

    Shark-infested custard.

  33. I'm on a seafood diet.

    #33

    I see food and I eat it.

  34. Why do fish live in salt water?

    #34

    Because pepper makes them sneeze.

  35. What do you call a fish that practices medicine?

    #35

    A sturgeon.

  36. Why don't oysters ever donate to charity?

    #36

    Because they're shellfish.

  37. What do you call a fish wearing a crown?

    #37

    A fish. It has no idea it's wearing a crown.

  38. Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?

    #38

    Their tuxedos don't have pockets.

  39. A penguin asked a waiter, “Do you serve fish here?”

    #39

    “Of course,” said the waiter. “Bring them in.”

  40. I used to be a professional fisherman,

    #40

    but I couldn't live on my net income.

  41. What do you call a fish with a tie?

    #41

    Sofishticated.

  42. What do you call a group of musical whales?

    #42

    An orca-stra.

  43. What do you call a man who knows where all the fish are?

    #43

    Rod.

  44. I went to the aquarium this weekend, but I didn’t stay long.

    #44

    There’s something fishy about that place.

  45. What is the cutest creature in the sea?

    #45

    A cuddlefish.

  46. What's the best way to watch a fly fishing tournament?

    #46

    Live stream.

  47. What did the fish say when it hit the wall?

    #47

    Dam.

  48. Why are fish so smart?

    #48

    They live in schools!

  49. What's a sea monster's favourite lunch?

    #49

    Fish and ships.

  50. What do you call a fish without eyes?

    #50

    A fsh.

  51. What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?

    #51

    Sofishticated.

  52. Why don't some fish play piano?

    #52

    You can't tuna fish.

  53. What's the best way to catch a fish?

    #53

    Ask someone to throw it to you.

  54. What kind of music should you listen to while fishing?

    #54

    Something catchy!

  55. What does a librarian use to go fishing?

    #55

    A bookworm.

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