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HORSE JOKES & PUNS

Horse jokes.
A stable supply of groans.

Enjoy 28 clean horse jokes and puns, from riding lessons and racehorses to ponies and hay fever. Horse humour for kids, riders and dads.

28horse jokes·0apologies

  1. Why did the horse apply for an office job?

    #1

    It wanted stable employment.

  2. What do you call a horse that only comes out at night?

    #2

    A nightmare.

  3. What's a horse's favourite wine?

    #3

    “I don't want to carry you!”

  4. Why did the horse chew with its mouth open?

    #4

    It had bad stable manners.

  5. What do you call a horse that can play the violin?

    #5

    Fiddler on the hoof.

  6. Where do horses go when they're ill?

    #6

    The horsepital.

  7. How do you make a small fortune from horses?

    #7

    Start with a large fortune.

  8. What do you call a horse that keeps interrupting?

    #8

    A real neigh-sayer.

  9. What did the horse say when it fell over?

    #9

    “Help, I can't giddy up!”

  10. What do you call a horse that travels around the world?

    #10

    A globe-trotter.

  11. I bought a rocking horse to save money on riding lessons.

    #11

    I'm not getting very far.

  12. Why did the horse keep sneezing?

    #12

    It had hay fever.

  13. I bought a racehorse called “In a Minute”.

    #13

    Still waiting for it to finish.

  14. My horse is a terrible dancer.

    #14

    Two left hooves.

  15. What did the horse order at the bakery?

    #15

    Thoroughbred.

  16. “Does falling off a horse hurt?” I asked my riding instructor.

    #16

    “No, only when you land.”

  17. I bought a racehorse that could run a mile in a minute.

    #17

    Unfortunately, the other horses could do it in fifty seconds.

  18. I backed a horse at twenty to one.

    #18

    It came in at half past four.

  19. “Can your horse jump six feet?”

    #19

    “Easily—just get three people to stand next to each other.”

  20. Why did the horse take a ruler to bed?

    #20

    To see how long it slept.

  21. My horse ate my straw hat.

    #21

    Apparently I'd been wearing his packed lunch.

  22. The riding instructor told me to keep my heels down.

    #22

    I said I'd have worn trainers if I'd known.

  23. “This horse can jump higher than a house,” said the seller.

    #23

    “Well, obviously,” I said. “Houses can't jump.”

  24. My horse won an award for being lazy.

    #24

    He sent me to collect it.

  25. I asked a jockey if he'd be staying long.

    #25

    “No, just furlong enough to win the race.”

  26. A horse walks into a pub.

    #26

    The barman says, 'Why the long face?'

  27. You're riding a horse, with a giraffe beside you and a lion behind you. What do you do?

    #27

    Get off the carousel.

  28. What do horses do when it's time for bed?

    #28

    Hit the hay.

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