Stache is smug

Maths jokes & puns

Maths jokes.
The groans add up.

Maths jokes and puns about numbers, shapes and helping with homework. No calculator required. No promise Dad knows the answer.

54maths jokes·0apologies

  1. Why should you never argue with a 90-degree angle?

    #1

    It's always right.

  2. What do you call a number that can't sit still?

    #2

    A roamin' numeral.

  3. Why did the student do multiplication on the floor?

    #3

    The teacher said not to use tables.

  4. What do you call two friends who love maths?

    #4

    Algebros.

  5. Why did the two fours skip lunch?

    #5

    They already eight.

  6. What did the triangle say to the circle?

    #6

    You're pointless.

  7. My son asked me to help him find x.

    #7

    I pointed at it. Apparently that wasn't worth any marks.

  8. I told my daughter I'd teach her fractions with a chocolate bar.

    #8

    By the time she arrived, we were doing subtraction.

  9. Why did the student bring a ladder to maths?

    #9

    To work on the higher numbers.

  10. What do you call an empty parrot cage?

    #10

    Polygon.

  11. My maths teacher told me to show my working.

    #11

    I sent her a photo of me looking confused.

  12. Why was six scared of seven?

    #12

    Because seven eight nine.

  13. Why did the fraction miss the bus?

    #13

    It stopped to simplify things.

  14. My son asked what an improper fraction was.

    #14

    I said one that doesn't say please.

  15. What do you call a snake that's good at maths?

    #15

    An adder.

  16. I asked my calculator for relationship advice.

    #16

    It told me to clear everything and start again.

  17. The pizza shop asked if I wanted six slices or eight.

    #17

    I said six. I couldn't eat eight.

  18. My daughter asked why we need to learn percentages.

    #18

    I said I'd explain when the sales started.

  19. Why did the obtuse angle lose the argument?

    #19

    It was never right.

  20. What did the minus sign say to the plus sign?

    #20

    You're doing too much.

  21. I bought a book called Maths Made Easy.

    #21

    The title was the last bit I understood.

  22. My son said he'd done half his maths homework.

    #22

    Unfortunately, it was the half where you write your name.

  23. Why did the ruler get promoted?

    #23

    It always measured up.

  24. If you have ten biscuits and someone asks for half, what do you have?

    #24

    Ten biscuits and an argument.

  25. Why did the student put brackets around the garden?

    #25

    To keep the square roots in.

  26. My teacher said my answer was off by a factor of ten.

    #26

    I said that sounded much better than completely wrong.

  27. My teacher told me to check my answers.

    #27

    They're still there.

  28. What do you call an angle that's been in the freezer?

    #28

    An ice-osceles.

  29. My son asked me to explain subtraction.

    #29

    So I took his phone away.

  30. My daughter asked me to check her long division.

    #30

    I said it looked about the right length.

  31. Why was the maths teacher suspicious of the graph?

    #31

    It was plotting something.

  32. I asked my son what he'd learnt about probability.

    #32

    He said there was a very small chance he'd done his homework.

  33. What do you call a teacher who's always adding things up?

    #33

    Someone you can count on.

  34. My budget spreadsheet says I can afford a holiday.

    #34

    As long as I don't come back.

  35. Why did the student take a tape measure to bed?

    #35

    To see how long they slept.

  36. My daughter said her maths homework was a piece of cake.

    #36

    I said, 'Good. Fractions I can help with.'

  37. What do you call a calculator that falls in the sea?

    #37

    Something else you can't count on.

  38. The question said, 'Give your answer to two decimal places.'

    #38

    I chose the kitchen and the living room.

  39. My son asked what the lowest common denominator was.

    #39

    I said, 'Are they still looking for that? They were looking when I was at school.'

  40. I got full marks for estimating.

    #40

    Well, roughly.

  41. I hate when people say "age is just a number."

    #41

    Age is clearly a word.

  42. Parallel lines have so much in common.

    #42

    It's a shame they'll never meet.

  43. I used to hate maths.

    #43

    Until I realised decimals have a point.

  44. She said I'm only average at darts.

    #44

    That's just a mean thing to say.

  45. I gave my handyman six jobs. He only did numbers 1, 3 and 5.

    #45

    Turns out he only does odd jobs.

  46. I found a book called How to Solve 50% of Your Problems.

    #46

    So I bought two.

  47. How do you make seven even?

    #47

    Take away the S.

  48. Where do maths teachers go on holiday?

    #48

    Times Square.

  49. Did you hear about the queen who's only 12 inches tall?

    #49

    She's a great ruler.

  50. What's the best way to get straight A's in school?

    #50

    Use a ruler.

  51. What did the zero say to the eight?

    #51

    That belt looks good on you.

  52. Apparently,

    #52

    three out of two people are bad at fractions.

  53. How many feet are in a yard?

    #53

    It depends on how many people are standing there.

  54. How long is a piece of string?

    #54

    Twice as long as half of it!

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