Stache is smug

The pun pile

Dad joke puns
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The best pun-based dad jokes, one terrible wordplay at a time. Tap any joke to open it, react, and inflict it on someone you love.

60puns·0apologies

  1. Why don't eggs tell jokes?

    #1

    They'd crack each other up.

  2. Why did the math book look sad?

    #2

    Because it had too many problems.

  3. Why don't scientists trust atoms?

    #3

    Because they make up everything.

  4. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.

    #4

    It's impossible to put down.

  5. What do you call a fake noodle?

    #5

    An impasta.

  6. Why did the scarecrow win an award?

    #6

    He was outstanding in his field.

  7. What do you call a bear with no teeth?

    #7

    A gummy bear.

  8. Why don't skeletons fight each other?

    #8

    They don't have the guts.

  9. What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?

    #9

    A dino-snore.

  10. Why did the tomato turn red?

    #10

    Because it saw the salad dressing.

  11. What do you call a snowman with a six-pack?

    #11

    An abdominal snowman.

  12. Why do bees have sticky hair?

    #12

    Because they use honeycombs.

  13. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.

    #13

    She looked surprised.

  14. I used to hate facial hair.

    #14

    But then it grew on me.

  15. What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

    #15

    Nacho cheese.

  16. I only know 25 letters of the alphabet.

    #16

    I don't know y.

  17. What did the ocean say to the shore?

    #17

    Nothing, it just waved.

  18. I'm terrified of elevators.

    #18

    I'm taking steps to avoid them.

  19. I would tell you a construction joke, but

    #19

    I'm still working on it.

  20. What do you call a can opener that doesn't work?

    #20

    A can't opener.

  21. What do you call a dinosaur that crashes their car?

    #21

    Tyrannosaurus wrecks.

  22. What do you call a belt made of watches?

    #22

    A waist of time.

  23. I used to work at a shoe recycling shop.

    #23

    It was sole destroying.

  24. What do you call a pig that does karate?

    #24

    A pork chop.

  25. What do you call a nervous javelin thrower?

    #25

    Shakespeare.

  26. Why do cows wear bells?

    #26

    Because their horns don't work.

  27. What do you call a fake stone in Ireland?

    #27

    A sham-rock.

  28. Why don't some fish play piano?

    #28

    You can't tuna fish.

  29. What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

    #29

    Roberto.

  30. What do you call a cow on a trampoline?

    #30

    A milkshake.

  31. I used to be addicted to soap.

    #31

    But I'm clean now.

  32. Why can't a nose be 12 inches?

    #32

    Because then it would be a foot.

  33. What do you call a sad strawberry?

    #33

    A blueberry.

  34. How do you make a tissue dance?

    #34

    Put a little boogie in it.

  35. What do you call a pony with a sore throat?

    #35

    A little hoarse.

  36. I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting bigger.

    #36

    Then it hit me.

  37. What do you call a group of killer whales playing instruments?

    #37

    An orca-stra.

  38. What do you call an alligator in a vest?

    #38

    An in-vest-igator.

  39. I used to work in a blanket factory.

    #39

    It folded.

  40. Why do fish live in salt water?

    #40

    Because pepper makes them sneeze.

  41. What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?

    #41

    Cliff.

  42. What do you call a woman with one leg?

    #42

    Eileen.

  43. What do you call a fish without eyes?

    #43

    A fsh.

  44. What do you call a line of rabbits walking backwards?

    #44

    A receding hare line.

  45. What do you call a well-dressed lion?

    #45

    A dandy lion.

  46. What time does a duck wake up?

    #46

    At the quack of dawn.

  47. Why did the banana go to the hospital?

    #47

    It wasn't peeling well.

  48. Why did the clock get kicked out of class?

    #48

    It was always winding people up.

  49. What do you call a sheep that can sing?

    #49

    A baa-ritone.

  50. What do you call a bear in the rain?

    #50

    A drizzly bear.

  51. What do you call a laughing motorcycle?

    #51

    A Yamahahaha.

  52. What do you call a musical ant?

    #52

    A hum-bug.

  53. I used to tell jokes about paper.

    #53

    They were tearable.

  54. What do you call a very tiny mother?

    #54

    A mini-mum.

  55. I used to hate eating clocks.

    #55

    It's very time-consuming.

  56. What do you call a fish that practices medicine?

    #56

    A sturgeon.

  57. I used to work as a lumberjack.

    #57

    I was great at it, but then I got the axe.

  58. What do you call a shoe made from a banana?

    #58

    A slipper.

  59. Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?

    #59

    Because her students were so bright.

  60. What do you call a camel with no humps?

    #60

    Humphrey.

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