The pun pile
Dad joke puns
engineered to disappoint.
The best pun-based dad jokes, one terrible wordplay at a time. Tap any joke to open it, react, and inflict it on someone you love.
Why don't eggs tell jokes?
#1They'd crack each other up.
Why did the math book look sad?
#2Because it had too many problems.
Why don't scientists trust atoms?
#3Because they make up everything.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.
#4It's impossible to put down.
What do you call a fake noodle?
#5An impasta.
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
#6He was outstanding in his field.
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
#7A gummy bear.
Why don't skeletons fight each other?
#8They don't have the guts.
What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?
#9A dino-snore.
Why did the tomato turn red?
#10Because it saw the salad dressing.
What do you call a snowman with a six-pack?
#11An abdominal snowman.
Why do bees have sticky hair?
#12Because they use honeycombs.
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
#13She looked surprised.
I used to hate facial hair.
#14But then it grew on me.
What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
#15Nacho cheese.
I only know 25 letters of the alphabet.
#16I don't know y.
What did the ocean say to the shore?
#17Nothing, it just waved.
I'm terrified of elevators.
#18I'm taking steps to avoid them.
I would tell you a construction joke, but
#19I'm still working on it.
What do you call a can opener that doesn't work?
#20A can't opener.
What do you call a dinosaur that crashes their car?
#21Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
What do you call a belt made of watches?
#22A waist of time.
I used to work at a shoe recycling shop.
#23It was sole destroying.
What do you call a pig that does karate?
#24A pork chop.
What do you call a nervous javelin thrower?
#25Shakespeare.
Why do cows wear bells?
#26Because their horns don't work.
What do you call a fake stone in Ireland?
#27A sham-rock.
Why don't some fish play piano?
#28You can't tuna fish.
What do you call a man with a rubber toe?
#29Roberto.
What do you call a cow on a trampoline?
#30A milkshake.
I used to be addicted to soap.
#31But I'm clean now.
Why can't a nose be 12 inches?
#32Because then it would be a foot.
What do you call a sad strawberry?
#33A blueberry.
How do you make a tissue dance?
#34Put a little boogie in it.
What do you call a pony with a sore throat?
#35A little hoarse.
I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting bigger.
#36Then it hit me.
What do you call a group of killer whales playing instruments?
#37An orca-stra.
What do you call an alligator in a vest?
#38An in-vest-igator.
I used to work in a blanket factory.
#39It folded.
Why do fish live in salt water?
#40Because pepper makes them sneeze.
What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?
#41Cliff.
What do you call a woman with one leg?
#42Eileen.
What do you call a fish without eyes?
#43A fsh.
What do you call a line of rabbits walking backwards?
#44A receding hare line.
What do you call a well-dressed lion?
#45A dandy lion.
What time does a duck wake up?
#46At the quack of dawn.
Why did the banana go to the hospital?
#47It wasn't peeling well.
Why did the clock get kicked out of class?
#48It was always winding people up.
What do you call a sheep that can sing?
#49A baa-ritone.
What do you call a bear in the rain?
#50A drizzly bear.
What do you call a laughing motorcycle?
#51A Yamahahaha.
What do you call a musical ant?
#52A hum-bug.
I used to tell jokes about paper.
#53They were tearable.
What do you call a very tiny mother?
#54A mini-mum.
I used to hate eating clocks.
#55It's very time-consuming.
What do you call a fish that practices medicine?
#56A sturgeon.
I used to work as a lumberjack.
#57I was great at it, but then I got the axe.
What do you call a shoe made from a banana?
#58A slipper.
Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?
#59Because her students were so bright.
What do you call a camel with no humps?
#60Humphrey.
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