The bottom shelf
So bad they're
somehow good.
The dad jokes so bad they loop back round to brilliant. Peak groan energy. Tap any one to open it, react, and ruin someone's afternoon.
What's brown and sticky?
#1A stick.
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?
#2Because the P is silent.
Why did the golfer bring two pairs of trousers?
#3In case he got a hole in one.
What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college?
#4Bison.
Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
#5Because he felt crummy.
Did you hear the rumour about butter?
#6Well, I'm not going to spread it.
Why did the calendar apply for the job?
#7Because its days were numbered.
What's brown, hairy and wears sunglasses?
#8A coconut on holiday.
What did the dog say to the tree?
#9Bark.
What do you call a pile of cats?
#10A meow-tain.
What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
#11A carrot.
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
#12Frostbite.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
#13Ground beef.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
#14It doesn't matter, he won't come anyway.
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter?
#15An irrelephant.
Why did the picture go to jail?
#16Because it was framed.
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
#17"Supplies!"
What do you call a grumpy cat?
#18A sour-puss.
Why did the banana split?
#19Because it saw the ice cream scoop.
What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror?
#20Halloumi!
What do you call a man with a map on his head?
#21Miles.
I went to buy some camouflage trousers.
#22I couldn't find any.
What do you call a cat that gets everything it wants?
#23Purrr-suasive.
Why did the man get fired from the orange juice factory?
#24He couldn't concentrate.
What do you call a cow that's just given birth?
#25De-calf-inated.
What do you call a lazy kangaroo?
#26A pouch potato.
What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals?
#27Philippe Philoppe.
Why did the man put his money in the blender?
#28He wanted liquid assets.
I used to run a dating agency for chickens.
#29But I struggled to make hens meet.
Why did the cowboy adopt a dachshund?
#30He wanted to get a long little doggy.
What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?
#31Get in the car.
What do you call a woman who stands between two goalposts?
#32Annette.
What do you call a midget psychic who escaped from prison?
#33A small medium at large.
What do you call a fish with a tie?
#34Sofishticated.
What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?
#35Sofishticated.
What do you call a belt made entirely of watches?
#36A waist of time.
What's the best thing about Switzerland?
#37I'm not sure, but the flag is a big plus.
Why did the invisible man turn down every job offer?
#38He just couldn't see himself doing it.
What do you call cheese that's made backwards?
#39Edam.
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
#40Because then it would be a foot.
What do you call a fake stone from Ireland?
#41A sham rock.
I ordered a chicken and an egg online.
#42I'll let you know which one comes first.
What do you call a boomerang that refuses to come back?
#43A stick.
What do you call a queue of men waiting for a haircut?
#44A barberqueue.
What do you call a man who can't stand up?
#45Neil.
What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other?
#46Eileen.
What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
#47One's really heavy, the other's a little lighter.
What do you call a sad cup of coffee?
#48A depresso.
What do you call a bear caught out in the rain?
#49A drizzly bear.
What do you call an alligator in a waistcoat?
#50An investigator.
What is Forrest Gump's password?
#511Forrest1.
What do you call a magician who has lost their magic?
#52Ian.
I was going to make a joke about pizza.
#53But it was far too cheesy.
My favourite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch.
#54I call it lunch.
A photon checks into a hotel with no bags.
#55It's travelling light.
What do you call a dinosaur that crashes his car?
#56Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
What do you call two monkeys who share an Amazon account?
#57Prime mates.
What do you call a duck that gets top marks?
#58A wise quacker.
Why did the coffee taste like mud?
#59It was ground only a minute ago.
What do you call a fish that needs help with its singing?
#60Auto-tuna.
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