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SPORT JOKES AND PUNS

Sport jokes and puns.
A personal worst.

Clean dad jokes about sport, fitness, games and finding new excuses to skip the gym.

46sport jokes and puns·0apologies

  1. My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot.

    #1

    It got so bad I had to take his bike away.

  2. I tried doing yoga with my dog in the room.

    #2

    Apparently lying on the floor means I've lost a fight and need licking.

  3. Why did the fish get bad marks?

    #3

    It was swimming below C level.

  4. Why won't fish play tennis?

    #4

    They're scared of getting caught in the net.

  5. What do you get when you cross a fish with an elephant?

    #5

    Swimming trunks.

  6. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of trousers?

    #6

    In case he got a hole in one.

  7. I couldn't work out why the ball kept getting bigger.

    #7

    Then it hit me.

  8. I tried to organise a hide-and-seek contest.

    #8

    But good players are hard to find.

  9. Two silkworms had a race.

    #9

    It ended in a tie.

  10. Why did the stadium get hot after the game?

    #10

    All the fans left.

  11. What do you call a woman who stands between two goalposts?

    #11

    Annette.

  12. My favourite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch.

    #12

    I call it lunch.

  13. I've opened a gym exclusively for ghosts.

    #13

    It's all about the dead-lifts.

  14. I broke up with my gym.

    #14

    We just weren't working out.

  15. Why did the bicycle fall over?

    #15

    Because it was two-tired.

  16. Which athlete is warmest in winter?

    #16

    A long jumper.

  17. What's a pumpkin's favourite sport?

    #17

    Squash.

  18. I used to be a professional skydiver.

    #18

    But I had to pull out.

  19. She said I'm only average at darts.

    #19

    That's just a mean thing to say.

  20. Which vegetable is best at kung fu?

    #20

    Broc Lee.

  21. 'Do you want to box for your leftovers?'

    #21

    'No, but I'll wrestle you for them.'

  22. What's the best way to watch a fly fishing tournament?

    #22

    Live stream.

  23. Have you heard of quiet tennis?

    #23

    It's the same game, without the racket.

  24. How do you light up a sports stadium?

    #24

    With a football match.

  25. What does a sprinter eat before a race?

    #25

    Nothing. They fast.

  26. My dad told me a joke about boxing.

    #26

    I guess I missed the punch line.

  27. I don't play football because I love the sport.

    #27

    I'm just doing it for kicks.

  28. Where do basketball players go when they need a uniform?

    #28

    New Jersey.

  29. Why don't footballers wear glasses?

    #29

    It's a contact sport.

  30. I used to be addicted to basketball,

    #30

    but I rebounded.

  31. Why can't pigs play football?

    #31

    They hog the ball.

  32. Why couldn't the baby score in basketball?

    #32

    He was always dribbling.

  33. My wife said I should do lunges to get in shape.

    #33

    That would be a big step forward.

  34. A man walks into a bar.

    #34

    He was disqualified from the limbo competition.

  35. Is this pool safe for diving?

    #35

    It deep-ends.

  36. How did the barber win the race?

    #36

    He knew a shortcut.

  37. Where do surfers go for an education?

    #37

    Boarding school.

  38. What's the best animal in football?

    #38

    A score-pion.

  39. What does a sports fan have in common with an angry chicken?

    #39

    A foul mouth.

  40. How do you get a good price on a sled?

    #40

    You have toboggan.

  41. Why do peppers make such good archers?

    #41

    Because they habanero.

  42. I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting bigger.

    #42

    Then it hit me.

  43. What do a cake and a cricket team have in common?

    #43

    They both need a batter.

  44. Why did the football player hire a lawyer?

    #44

    He needed help with his defence.

  45. What's a karate kid's favourite drink?

    #45

    Wataaaa!

  46. How are scooters like butter?

    #46

    They're on a roll.

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