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TECHNOLOGY DAD JOKES

Technology dad jokes.
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Dad jokes about computers, phones, passwords and the technology that keeps families talking. Sometimes.

75technology dad jokes·0apologies

  1. I ordered a chicken and an egg online.

    #1

    I'll let you know which one comes first.

  2. I downloaded an app to track how much cheese I eat.

    #2

    It asked me to upgrade to unlimited.

  3. My dog is a terrible guard dog.

    #3

    He'd help a burglar carry the television if it meant a car ride.

  4. I bought a robot vacuum to deal with the dog hair.

    #4

    The dog thinks I've hired him a toy.

  5. My fish got an email promising free worms.

    #5

    I told him not to take the bait.

  6. My son asked me to explain subtraction.

    #6

    So I took his phone away.

  7. Why did the man drop his phone in the ocean?

    #7

    Gravity, mostly.

  8. How do trees access the internet?

    #8

    They log in.

  9. Someone stole my Microsoft Office.

    #9

    They have my Word.

  10. A spotless house is a warning sign.

    #10

    It means the internet has been down for hours.

  11. Our Wi-Fi went down for five minutes, so I had to talk to my family.

    #11

    They seem like nice people.

  12. My email password got hacked.

    #12

    I've had to rename all my children.

  13. Why do programmers prefer dark mode?

    #13

    Because light attracts bugs.

  14. I put my phone in airplane mode.

    #14

    Worst transformer ever.

  15. My wife asked me to sync her phone.

    #15

    So I threw it straight in the sea.

  16. I asked my French friend if she plays video games.

    #16

    She said, Wii.

  17. I've started a band called 1023MB.

    #17

    We still haven't got a gig.

  18. What do you call a computer that sings beautifully?

    #18

    A Dell.

  19. My kids asked why I take the remote to the toilet.

    #19

    Because it's mine and I don't trust any of you.

  20. There is no silence louder than one moment.

    #20

    A group chat right after you've said something wrong.

  21. My son wanted a pirate party with real buried treasure.

    #21

    I told him to look for the remote down the sofa.

  22. What do you get when you cross a computer and a lifeguard?

    #22

    A screensaver.

  23. Why was the computer cold?

    #23

    Someone left Windows open.

  24. Why was the keyboard so tired?

    #24

    It had been working two shifts.

  25. I broke the Enter key on my keyboard.

    #25

    Now there's no return.

  26. Someone stole the keys off my keyboard.

    #26

    I've lost control. There's no escape.

  27. I renamed my Wi-Fi “The Titanic”.

    #27

    Now all my devices are syncing.

  28. What do you call eight hobbits?

    #28

    A hobbyte.

  29. How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

    #29

    None. That's a hardware problem.

  30. What do you call a computer floating in the sea?

    #30

    A Dell rolling in the deep.

  31. My password is “incorrect”.

    #31

    That way, when I forget it, the computer tells me.

  32. The website said my password needed eight characters.

    #32

    I went with Snow White and the seven dwarfs.

  33. My computer beat me at chess.

    #33

    It was no match for me at kickboxing.

  34. I told my laptop I needed a break.

    #34

    Now it keeps showing me holiday adverts.

  35. Why did the printer join a band?

    #35

    It was always jamming.

  36. Why did the PowerPoint presentation cross the road?

    #36

    To get to the other slide.

  37. What did the spider do on the computer?

    #37

    Built a website.

  38. I called IT because my computer wouldn't turn on.

    #38

    They asked if it was plugged in. I said, “Hang on, I'll get a torch. The power's out.”

  39. Why was the computer late for work?

    #39

    It had a hard drive.

  40. I tried to write a joke about an internet connection.

    #40

    The punchline hasn't loaded yet.

  41. I bought a new mouse for my computer.

    #41

    It just sits there eating cheese. Complete waste of money.

  42. Why did the laptop go to the dentist?

    #42

    It had Bluetooth.

  43. I asked my computer for a joke.

    #43

    It showed me the price of printer ink.

  44. Why wasn't “beef stew” a suitable password?

    #44

    It wasn't stroganoff.

  45. What does a hard drive do when it gets into a fight?

    #45

    Calls for backup.

  46. What do you call an iPhone charger?

    #46

    Apple juice.

  47. Why couldn't the horses get online?

    #47

    They couldn't find a stable connection.

  48. How do you comfort a JavaScript bug?

    #48

    You console it.

  49. Why don't programmers like nature?

    #49

    Too many bugs.

  50. Why did the IT guy go broke?

    #50

    He cleared his cache.

  51. How does a computer get drunk?

    #51

    It takes screenshots.

  52. Why do Java developers wear glasses?

    #52

    Because they don't C#.

  53. What's a server's least favourite food?

    #53

    Spam.

  54. Why did the developer quit his job?

    #54

    He didn't get arrays.

  55. Why was the software developer always calm?

    #55

    He knew how to handle exceptions.

  56. Why did the 404 error go to the party alone?

    #56

    Its plus-one couldn't be found.

  57. Why did the computer go to the doctor?

    #57

    It had a virus.

  58. What's the best way to watch a fly fishing tournament?

    #58

    Live stream.

  59. What’s an astronaut’s favourite part of a computer?

    #59

    The space bar.

  60. How did the computer catch cold?

    #60

    It left a window open.

  61. Why did the employee get fired from the keyboard factory?

    #61

    He wasn't putting in enough shifts.

  62. Why did the computer get glasses?

    #62

    To improve its web-sight.

  63. Why did the phone wear glasses?

    #63

    Because it lost all its contacts.

  64. How do you make a robot angry?

    #64

    Keep pushing his buttons.

  65. The batteries are flat.

    #65

    No, they're round.

  66. What do you call the security guards for Samsung?

    #66

    Guardians of the galaxy.

  67. I searched online for a lighter.

    #67

    I got 3,472 matches.

  68. If you see a crime at an Apple Store,

    #68

    does that make you an iWitness?

  69. What's a robot's favourite snack?

    #69

    Computer chips.

  70. What do you get when you cross a parrot with a caterpillar?

    #70

    A little walkie-talkie.

  71. Where do you save your dad jokes?

    #71

    In a dad-a-base.

  72. What is Forrest Gump's password?

    #72

    1Forrest1.

  73. How do you weigh a millennial?

    #73

    In Instagrams.

  74. Why did the Energizer Bunny go to jail?

    #74

    He was charged with battery.

  75. Why did the computer go to bed?

    #75

    It needed to crash.

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